How to Choose the Right Therapist

Finding the right therapist can be a life-changing proposition for you.

Don't be afraid to interview more than one. Ask your prospective counselor anything you want to know! About how they work and about how much experience they have... about how long they think therapy should take. Any question is fair game.

And there's another benefit to asking questions - you'll see the kind of person they are.

You don't have to wait to a first meeting to discuss this stuff. Ask any of this on your first phone call. You can tell a lot in 5 or 10 minutes. If the therapist won't chat on the phone, but instead insists you make an appointment right away, well that tells you something about the kind of person they are. Listen to see whether he or she is formal or easy-going? How flexible is he, how understanding is she? If you decide it doesn't feel -- well, right - then thank them and tell them you have to think about it.

What Kind of Therapist Do You Want?

There are basically two kinds of therapists. Therapists who feel change takes place in the past. And therapists who believe you change in the present. Some would say that's oversimplified, but I'm trying to give you some handy-dandy knowledge without wasting your time.

The therapists who emphasize the past usually will ask you to spend a considerable amount of time talking about what went wrong in your childhood. They believe that it is only by coming to terms with your past, you can then change your present. This approach is called "psychodynamic."

The other kind of therapists (me included) think change doesn't need to take a long time. They're convinced that you don't have to revisit endless tales of bygone suffering. We think that change doesn't need to be so hard - and that your therapist ought to do anything in his or her power to help you start making it happen this week, not next year. These therapists, like yours truly, might call ourselves "cognitive behavioral," "humanistic," "gestalt" or "existential." And positive psychologists.

Go ahead, ask any therapist you're considering "what is your approach?" "What do you think is necessary for change?" If they say they're "eclectic," which means they combine things - push them to tell you what they emphasize. How they balance them.